请高手帮忙修改一篇4级作文,并评价指正,For this part,you are allowed 3o minutes to write an announcement to welcome students to join a club.You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below in Chinese:1本社团的

请高手帮忙修改一篇4级作文,并评价指正,For this part,you are allowed 3o minutes to write an announcement to welcome students to join a club.You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below in Chinese:1本社团的
请高手帮忙修改一篇4级作文,并评价指正,
For this part,you are allowed 3o minutes to write an announcement to welcome students to join a club.You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below in Chinese:
1本社团的主要活动内容
2参加本社团的好处
3如何加入本社团
Welcome to Our Club
Hello,guys!Welcome to our club.Our club is an English club,which was founded 4 years ago.In our club,we regularly hold some Enlish debates or competitions opening for the club members.We have also organised an English corner on Tuesday each week.On condition that you join our club,you would be faced with more opportunities and benefits.
In the first place,having a talk with the undergraduates who come from the same university as you or with a foreign teacher will help you make great progress in English.In addition,by means of talking with others,we can not only share different ideas and experiences with each other,but also open up our eyes and make some good friends.Last but no least,having a relaxing talk with others brings physical and mental benefits.Considering our exhausting and stressful college life,a talk enables us to speak in an open air,with a more harmonious atmosphere.In this way,you would forget your stress and busy shool work.
In consequence,I stongly recommend that you should join our English club.Giving 10 RMB,bringing an application form,and come with your enthusiasme in learning English,you will succeed in joining our club.Now,it's high time we talked English,let's go!

请高手帮忙修改一篇4级作文,并评价指正,For this part,you are allowed 3o minutes to write an announcement to welcome students to join a club.You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below in Chinese:1本社团的
Welcome to Our Club
Hello,guys!Welcome to our club.Our club is an English club,which was founded 4 years ago.In our club,we regularly hold some Enlish debates 【and】 competitions opening for the club members.We 【also organise】 an English corner on Tuesday each week.On condition that you join【in】our club,you would be faced with more opportunities and benefits.[be faced感觉是被动接受的样子,最好用主动]
In the first place,having a talk with 【the去掉】 undergraduates who come from the same university as you【,加上逗号可能表意更清楚点】 or with a foreign teacher will help you make great progress in English.In addition,by means of talking with others,we can not only share different ideas and experiences with each other,but also open up our eyes and make 【some可去掉】 good friends.Last but no least,having 【a去掉,因为后面是others】 relaxing 【conversations,这个词可能比talk要出彩】 with others brings 【you】physical and mental benefits.Considering our exhausting and stressful college life,a 【talk换成pleasant chat 】 enables 【you】 to speak in an open air,with a more harmonious atmosphere.In this way,you would forget your stress and busy shool work.
In consequence,I stongly recommend that you should join our English club.【Bringing 10 Yuan with】 an application form,and 【coming】 with your 【enthusiasm】 in learning English,you will succeed in joining 【in】 our club.Now,it's high time 【for us to talk in】 English,let's go!

Welcome to Our Club
Hello, guys! Welcome to our club. Our club is an English club, which was founded 4 years ago. In our club, we regularly 【organize】【English】 debates or competitions 【】 for 【our】...

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Welcome to Our Club
Hello, guys! Welcome to our club. Our club is an English club, which was founded 4 years ago. In our club, we regularly 【organize】【English】 debates or competitions 【】 for 【our】 members. We have also 【establish】 an English corner on 【every】Tuesday . 【If】you join our club, you would faced 【】 more opportunities and benefits.
In the first place, 【talking to】the undergraduates 【】 from the same university【】 or foreign 【teachers】 will help you make great progress in English. In addition, by means of 【communicating】 with others 【can not only exchange】 different ideas and experiences with each other, but also open up our eyes and make some good friends. 【After all】 having a relaxing talk with others brings physical and mental benefits. Considering our 【college life exhausting and stress】 , a talk enables us to speak in an open air【】with a more harmonious atmosphere. In this way, you 【might】 【release】 your 【frustrate and busy shcool】 work.
In consequence, I 【strongly】 recommend 【】 you 【to】 join our English club. 【Bring】 10 RMB and an application form【together】with your 【enthusiasm】 in learning English, you 【can】 join our club. Now, it's 【time for English】, let's go!

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Welcome to Our Club
Hello, guys! Welcome to our club. Our club is an English club, which was founded 4 years ago. In our club, we regularly hold some Enlish debates or competitions opening for the...

全部展开

Welcome to Our Club
Hello, guys! Welcome to our club. Our club is an English club, which was founded 4 years ago. In our club, we regularly hold some Enlish debates or competitions opening for the club members. We have also organised an English corner on Tuesday each week. On condition (这个词组貌似用在这里不大合适，建议改为I'm sure)that (加if) you join our club, you would be faced with more opportunities and benefits.(“被面对”听起来有点不顺，可以直接用主动与台的不用那么复杂，反而会引起歧义）
In the first place,（不懂这句话的意思，建议改） having（这里是动词原形） a talk with the undergraduates who come from the same university as you or with a foreign teacher will help you make great progress in English（with....这句的成分不对，建议改为turn to a forein teacher who can make great progress in English for you ) . In addition, by means of talking with others, we can not only share different ideas and experiences with each other, but also open up our eyes and make some good friends. Last but no least, having a relaxing talk with others brings physical and mental benefits. Considering our exhausting and stressful college life, a talk enables us to speak in an open air, with a more harmonious atmosphere. In this way, you would forget your stress and busy shool work.
In consequence, I stongly recommend that you should join our English club. Giving 10 RMB, bringing an application form, and come with your enthusiasme in learning English, （这句话中先后用了hiving,bringing,come，貌似动词形式有点乱，应都改为动词原形）you will succeed in joining our club. Now, it's （加the )high time we talked English(有点不顺，建议改为for all of us to talk in English and also learn from others), let's go!

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